Bowing Out

2016-06-05_14.05.42-1If you came back to my blog after my previous post, I want to thank you for not bowing out after reading my trauma list.
I have experienced over time the impact my story has on people. There are 3 specific ways people have responded to my story.
  1. 100% interested in my story – these people want to know me and what has happened to make me who I am today. These people invest time in me, want to learn from me, want to walk through life with me. These people represent less than 1% of the people I know.
  2. Silently interested in my story – these people know what I’ve been through, they’ve listened. These people are my friends, but with limitations. They know I struggle with severe depression. They tell me to let them know if I need anything. They typically don’t ask how I’m doing with my PTSD or depression. Not because they don’t care, but because they do care and it hurts for them to hear how I am; because they feel helpless. These people bow out gracefully and I completely understand why.  These people represent 24% of the people I know.
  3. Not interested at all in my story – these people have heard a fraction of my story, but don’t want to hear anymore. It’s too overwhelming for them. It’s not believable. It screams “train wreck” “run away” “don’t get involved”. Or the person feels they need to “one up” my story and follow-up with “yeah you think you’ve got it bad, well listen to this”. These people bow out ungracefully and I never hear of or see them again. Which I completely understand, but wish they had the ability to own up to their response. Take responsibility for once. These people represent 50% of the people I know.
  4. The remaining 25% – I don’t trust you and you’ll never hear my story.

 

What really really hurts is to think that my friends are my true friends, yet they refuse to accept me into their inner circle. Don’t ever invite me to go places even after I’ve shown interest.  I’ll do anything for anyone at all times when they are in need, this is not reciprocal with most of my friends.

If you’ve been through any sort of trauma, I believe the above examples of people hold true for you too. I don’t damn or shame the latter type of people, not all of us were born with resilience. It’s just that some of us don’t mind another person’s “muck” especially when we’ve lived a life covered in it.
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