Invisible Preteen


Growing up I thought Wonder Woman’s invisible airplane was BADASS!  She could go anywhere and see everything yet no one could see her. It looked like glass on the t.v. show and was so shiny, and she was….beautiful! Perfect figure, hair, face, lips, eyes and boobs!  She was clever, physically fit and tough. She knew how to walk into a room and hold her own as Diana Prince, confident, smart and flirtatious.  I wanted that.
Ironically I got what I wanted, well almost got it all.  In 9th grade I mastered this Diana Prince. Except the figure, hair, face, lips and boobs. Yes I was a slender young thing, underdeveloped until I was 26 years old. Pretty enough but not heart stopping.  I stayed physically fit, had no fear, witty, flirtatious and radiated confidence.
Little did anyone know who I really was inside; a scared, insignificant, zero confidence little girl who fought to be noticed.
I didn’t get the invisible plane, but boy was I invisible.  After dad left and moved out-of-state with his new wife, my life was altered greatly.  My mom became a “born again barfly”, meaning she found her calling at a bar. It’s where she could escape being a mom, dress provocative, flirt, dance and most of all drink.  Her social life was way more important than me and Sis and our lives. Except Sis was her favorite and she gave her everything she ever wanted. Clothes, jewelry, muscle car and was a “yes” mom to her. I reminded her of my daddy and she gave me clothes from K-mart. She was never a “yes” mom to me, she was a “I don’t care what you do, where you are or who you’re with” mom.  She never spoke with me about sex, drugs, rape, caution, morals, guidance or family values.
Between the ages of 11 to 14 adolescents with healthy self-esteem may be least vulnerable to peer group pressure. When they are faced with difficult decisions, they are best able to call on values learned at home. I had no one to turn to in my preteens.  I learned it by watching movies, the at risk trouble makers in school and didn’t understand what peer pressure was.  I made friends with similar girls in my shoes. Absent mom, traveling dad, divorced parents and risky childhoods.
We got ourselves into so many moments where we should have been kidnapped, raped, murdered or addicted to drugs and alcohol. In the 8th grade we would throw parties that all the high schoolers would come to. We drank a lot of alcohol, smoked weed, made dance routines to Billy Idol songs, dressed proactively and went strolling the streets at midnight. Get into cars with strange 18 to 21 year olds and cruise. How we are both alive today is a flat-out miracle.
By the time I was 14 I did more in those previous 3 years than either of my parents ever did.  The friends I had before my parents divorced were an anomaly to me at that point. Parents still married, mom cooked dinner every night, mom did their laundry, drove them to sports practice and grew them up on solid Christian values. Between 11 to 14 is when I became an adult by force. I cooked my own meals, washed my own clothes, wasn’t allowed to do sports because it cost money, got myself up and to school when I did go to school, cleaned the house weekly and was substantially independent.  Mom always told me to be independent and to NEVER trust a man or woman ever!
Men are cheaters, women are ruthless and back stabbing and hopefully you’ll marry rich because you aren’t smart enough to have a career.
How does a preteen girl survive the 80’s when she’s invisible, scared, alone, confused, misguided and insignificant?  She discovers fight or flight, she survives.  She spins as fast as she can and she becomes Wonder Woman & Diana Prince all in one. She becomes an actress in her own life movie with the facade to boot.
How long can this girl survive like this? How long can she keep putting her lipstick on?

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