I thought my mother Joan was a pretty severe narcissist…until I met my mother-in-law Kris. I’m naming her “Kris” because it fits! This bulldozer takes the cake for causing true destruction in her family’s life, which is why we are at a “NO CONTACT” (NC) place with her and her submissive husband servant “Bruce”.
I will explain her NPD and characteristics the best I can, and I have chosen to use her Christmas cookies as an example since we are in the season and the thought of her cookies haunts me.
Every year since my Hubby was born, Kris makes more cookies for Christmas than Mrs. Field’s. Not just 1 to 3 flavors and dozens of them, we’re talking 15+ varieties and dozens of them. All are German traditional recipes that have flowed down from the Matriarchs generational faucet of toxic waste. These creations are kept in gigantic rectangular tins that came from Germany which originally held cookies. Kris and these tins are two birds of a feather; beautifully painted, cold, grandiose, expensive and you’re lucky to receive such a gift. All the while empty inside and mediocre in taste. Don’t judge a book by its cover I’d say.
The Narcissistic Traits of Kris:
- Overwhelming need of admiration
- Complete lack of empathy toward others
- Has a grandiose sense of self-importance
- Has a high sense of entitlement
- Very arrogant about her status
OVERWHELMING NEED OF ADMIRATION: Upon consuming each and every flavor that she slaved over, you better compliment her display and taste of each and every one. A simple comment of “This is good” or “Yummy” is an inadequate way to express your admiration of her work. You need to choose your words carefully, “Ooooooh Kris! These almond crescents are TO DIE FOR!” Followed up with the “Mmmm” sound while chewing. Then there’s the “WOW Mom! The spitzbuben is REEEdiculous!” Are you catching my drift here? Mark my word you will be ignored if you choose to either be “flippant” about the taste or GOD FORBID make a recommendation about adding a component to the flavor. Sometimes words have no meaning so you could simply get down on your knees and bow down telling her you’re not worthy of her cookies.
LACK OF EMPATHY TOWARD OTHERS: If you are allergic to dairy, gluten or have gestational diabetes during Christmas, don’t expect her to go out of her way for you. You will get the standard response of “That’s too bad, sucks for you, more for us”. Followed by the passive aggressive shit giggle. Oh and by the way, it’s your own fault for having gestational diabetes. Your gluten allergy is just a fad because it wasn’t around back in her day. Your dairy allergy isn’t THAT bad, even though you get explosive diarrhea and abdominal pain after having dairy, you’re not going to die from it.
GRANDIOSE SENSE OF SELF: Here’s where you need to be prepared to boost her ego about how much you look forward to her grandiose spread of goodies. “Kris I just can’t simply go through Christmas without ALL of these cookies you make. I look forward to it all year. You really shine above the rest at cookie making.” If you don’t include this process, then she will make certain you know that she started planning out this spread in August and September. That she had to shop at 6 different stores for all of the ingredients and she spent sooooooo much money.
HIGH SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT: I have one special cookie I bake every Christmas, it’s a family recipe. I don’t give the recipe out because it’s personal to me. I’m the only one in the family that makes them and I make enough to gift some. She asked for my recipe one year after I made these back when we were in contact. I explained to her that my Grandma was very secretive about her cookie recipe and never gave it out, and that I would respect her history of that and remain secretive too. By the look on her face at that moment you would have thought I shit in her Cheerios. How dare I not give her the recipe. How dare I not see how important she is. I owed it to her after she slaved for a week making her cookies. Silence to me for the rest of the day.
ARROGANCE ABOUT HER STATUS: I am a Christian woman and an open book. Kris is also a Christian and self-proclaimed reformed Catholic that uses the bible and scripture to look very important. She is smarter than me about the bible because she’s been a Christian since the day she was born. She is more adorned by God because she tithes every month more than I ever could. Because she is such a perfect Christian is WHY she makes all of these Christmas cookies in the first place. She is the epitome of the perfect Christian and you SHOULD bow down to her perfectness.
Now take this little recipe about a narcissist and her cookies and turn it up to broil and you have the final taste of the Matriarchal Pig-In-Law. The taste of some things make me vomit.