Dear Deflecting Shamer


My Godmother taught me early on that when pointing your finger at another person in an attempt to shame them, please notice the 3 fingers you have pointing right back at you. Narcissists are classic shamers; grandiose, arrogant, oblivious subtypes dying for envy, admiration and appreciation. Attempting to deflect their true weak internalized self onto another person.

These subtypes don’t want to be center stage IF it’s because of a negative limelight.  These shamers are actually drowning in their own shame, guilt and fear; and will attempt to pull you under and drown you to save themselves.  They get saved from their self guilt when they know they’ve pulled you under. They know this when you respond with angry words, spite, aggression or an argument. They will always do their best to get the last word in, so they can have that false sense of winning.


Some self-proclaimed Christians or from my experience, Catholics, are masters of shame. It’s all about control. They want to control you with every aspect, especially when they feel threatened or perceived as “losing”. Narcissists are control whores, Christian/Catholic narcissists I’ve “crossed” paths with have what is called Cluster B Personality Disorder.1  I consider these subtypes extremely dangerous and not open to rehabilitation.  Especially when you add sexual addiction into the mix; that article to come at a later date.

God has blessed each of us with grace, mercy and truth.  He is a merciful God and through His one true son gave us grace and truth. BUT that grace is not to be trifled with, it is not a free pass to keep treating one of His children with such contempt as a shamer, CBPD or narcissist continues to do.  Love thy neighbor: I would rather build up a person and work side by side with them; than point my finger with shame…in an effort to build up myself.

So dear deflecting shamer, get over yourself. Only God can shame me, if that’s something He really does do. I answer to Him and He controls me, because He made me and He owns my heart, mind and soul.  I am saved because of Him and I owe Him my life. I owe you nothing.  I will pray for you though; that you submit your true self to Him and begin to live a life of vulnerability…which is true strength.  Accept your failures as lessons, learn from them and move on. Do better next time. Hold yourself and your demons accountable.  May God grant you the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can and the wisdom to know the difference.

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