Back To The Healing Board


How much I wish I could go back to the drawing board and rewrite the stalker story. Didn’t expect the opening of this wound would be so re-traumatizing.  Really makes me want to crawl back into a hole and never face it again, but I’m a warrior at heart and that bastard will not win.

Anytime I’m faced with an obstacle I research it. I learn more about it and make it my mission to better understand it and how to work through it.  During the initial healing of the stalker I read The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker  and The Psychology of Stalking Clinical and Forensic Perspectives by J. Reid Meloy. Both fantastic books for educating and arming yourself with helpful tools.

Now that it’s 17 years later and facing it yet again, I’m on the search for knowledge. I found a great article about being stalked and affects, yet it speaks of only initial treatment, not treatment nor effects some time later. I also can’t help but see that my story would have been more successful if I hadn’t had an emotionally abusive childhood, rape and physical abuse post stalking. I believe having been challenged with Complex-Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, it’s hindering my recovery process this time. My psychologist said based on my history I could be looking at 3 months to over a year of treatment on the stalker issue alone.

A year? Feels like a lifetime. It almost has been a lifetime of destruction and mental trauma. Going back to square one with this is daunting, frustrating and tiresome. Yet I’m finding the strength through God to face it and fight it.

I recently found this article and the more I researched this doctor the more I’m intrigued to learn more. I’m hoping to contact him and ask him how he feels about his article and knowledge based on pre-trauma experiences in the mix. Stalking victims get VERY LITTLE for help from local victim services, they only pay for counseling and treatment for up to a year. There was more money spent by the county trying to rehabilitate John then heal me. Seventeen years later…no help from VS.  No restitution paid to me for possible returning symptoms or flashbacks. Our court system is flawed in this area. Not enough of this to go around for the courts to notice? It’s ming boggling.

Check out this article.

“What stalking victims need to restore their mental and somatic health”

Give me some feedback if you can. Help me brainstorm. I’m not giving up and I’m determined to survive this once again.

3 thoughts on “Back To The Healing Board

  1. The amount of damage and impact of a stalker’s obsession is thought provoking. What does he want? To have you as his posession? Never had a girlfriend, feels like a loser? Psychotic, narcissistic, obviously mentally ill? Treated like shit when he was a kid? I just don’t get the obsession of men stalking women. Do they get a kick out of you being frightened? Do they want help because they know eventually she will go to police or a close friend? Do you remind them of someone, and why did they pick you.

    I was raised by a narcissistic mother, so I’m there with you on the CPTSD. I’m sorry you’re experiencing these endless traumas, I hope I can help you by tossing ideas off one another. Stay strong. Hugs to you. Deb


    1. From what I read in the 2 mentioned books, there’s an originally underlying mental illness like being a sociopath. I rejected him and he didn’t like the rejection and couldn’t understand why. Level of narcissism…yes. He did it before but not convicted. He felt inadequate, probably has his wholelife. Some woman rejected him at some point in his life, combined with psychological illness he became obsessed. He felt in control. I basically know why based on what I’ve studied. I just don’t understand these long term effects on my life and why after 17 yrs it came back. After seeing my psychologist this morning, she said that because of previous emotional and physical traumas in my life is why the initial EMDR didn’t hold. So I have to take this round slower and different. I’m trying to find studies on stalking victims and the long term effects. Wish I had a direct line to Jodie Foster to see if she too struggles after Hinkley stalked her. I appreciate the help!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. There is another good movie out there also, it’s a bit dated but it’s one about Teresa Saldana (true story). She was in the movie “The Raging Bull” and she had this stalker from Scotland who didn’t quit until he almost left her for dead. She fought and back and started a Victims for Victims (not sure that’s the exact name) despite her horrible injuries. The attacker, even at his prison sentence said he would do it again. That is an obsessive psychopath. Saw movie on YouTube.

        Liked by 1 person

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